


The Magic Schoolbus Explodes

by StupidStory



Category: Magic School Bus
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidStory/pseuds/StupidStory
Summary: Miss Frizzle tries to travel more than 6,000 years back in the past to witness the big bang in action despite Arnold's protests. Emphasis on "tries."Inspired by a Babylon Bee article.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The Magic Schoolbus Explodes

Miss Frizzle began her science lecture.  
“Today we are going to see the universe from its inception, a fiery cataclysm known as the Big Bang. It all started 13.8 billion years ago.”  
Arnold raised his hand. “Uhh, Miss Frizzle, the universe is only 6,000 years old, not 13.8 billion years like you claim.”  
“What kind of school have you been going to that would teach you that?” Miss Frizzle asked in a slight mocking tone. “Whoever taught you that drivel is unfit to be a science teacher and should be fired. It goes against the mainstream view of science, therefore it is flat-out wrong.” The other classmates nodded in agreement. “Today's itinerary is going back in time 13.8 billion years and witnessing the big bang in front row seats.”  
“I knew I should have stayed home today,” Arnold said for the umpteenth time.  
“Dude, you ALWAYS say that.”  
“Well I mean it this time. Trying to go back in time 13.8 billion years when the universe is only 6,000 years old will cause a rift in time and space that no amount of duct tape can fix. It's not a very good idea and I would not recommend it.”  
“Dude, you watch too many science fiction movies. The stuff that happens in those is unrealistic,” Miss Frizzle assured him.  
“Says the teacher who pilots a magic school bus that can do whatever depending on whatever the plot requires of it,” Arnold rebutted. Miss Frizzle ignored him. She motioned the class out of the single-classroom school and into the bus that only has room for that one class.  
“Put your seat-belts on kids. We're going into outer space! Before I show you the beginning of the universe, I will show you what the edge of the universe looks like.” The eponymous magic school bus transformed into a bus-shaped spacecraft, launching the class into the atmosphere faster than a top fuel dragster taking off. Since magic can do anything the plot requires it to, the students never needed space suits and the bus had its own gravity exactly like Earth but it only affected the students and Miss Frizzle.  
“Hold onto your hats kids. We're going far beyond what we all know, beyond what even the most advanced astronomers know. We are making history by being the first humans to exit the boundaries of the solar system, followed by the galaxy, followed by the universe itself!” Miss Frizzle laughed maniacally. Arnold started getting motion sickness. He puked all over his own seat and the seat in front of him. Wanda was now soaked in Arnold's puke. She gave him a death glare.  
“We are now in the Andromeda galaxy, the closest galaxy to our own Milky Way. It is 2 million light years from Earth.”  
“Miss Frizzle, how can it be 2 million light years away when the universe is only 6,000 years old?'  
“Because it is, okay? The universe is waaaaaay older than 6,000 years. I thought we settled this way back when. Besides, we have objective proof that the universe is 13.8 billion years old.”  
“Or maybe it's way less than 6,000 light-years away, which might explain how we were able to travel here before we could have time to really age at all,” Arnold rebutted. Miss Frizzle's face turned reddish.  
“The school bus is magic. It can do anything, even travel extraordinary distances in the snap of a finger. Surely it can travel 46 billion light-years whenever it wants.”  
“Except it can't because the universe has only been expanding for 6,000 years.” Not too much longer after that the bus stopped.  
“We made it guys! The size of the observable universe is 46 billion light-years from earth, or 92 billion light-years in diameter. That's where we are now. The edge of the universe itself is still somewhere far out there. No one knows just how much nor do I think we'll ever know. But I think I can find out. We'll take a brief rest, then go on some more.” Miss Frizzle played the Cha Cha slide on the speaker and everyone danced to it. She also played Watch Me Whip/Nae Nae and the Cupid Shuffle.  
“Okay, time to go farther,” she announced. When she tried to go farther, a loud, deep, disembodied male voice seemed to come from everywhere at once. It said:  
“In the beginning were the words and the words made the world. I am the words. The words are everything. Where the words end the world ends. You cannot go forward in an absence of space. Repeat...” and then it repeated the whole thing again. And then everything that just happened rewinded back to Earth.  
“Well then,” Miss Frizzle said, completely bewildered. “Well, you at least saw the edge of the observable universe. Now class, get ready for the defining moment of history. The part where history first began. The beginning of the universe. Textbooks teach that the universe began as a cataclysmic explosion that still persists to this day, in an event known as the big bang. But no textbook will ever compare to seeing it live, which is what we will do now.”  
“Please, NOOOO!!!” Arnold screamed. “Miss Frizzle, don't do it! We have no idea what will happen if you try to go 13.8 billion years back in time when the universe is only 6,000 years old!”  
“Calm your man boobs. Nothing is going to happen except seeing the greatest fireworks display of all time. I don't see why we wouldn't be able to go more than 6,000 years in the past. Seriously, I'm sick of this crap. Now without further ado.” Miss Frizzle faced the time travel module, which was just a computer screen with a numerical keypad.  
“Oh no you don't!” Arnold ran up to the front of the bus.  
“Stop him,” Miss Frizzle commanded. Ralphie, Carlos, and Wanda all teamed up to tackle Arnold to the floor while Miss Frizzle typed “13.8 billion years ago” into the time travel keypad. The screen displayed whatever year it was, and it began counting backwards rapidly, with increasing speed. Once they hit 4,000 B.C. something weird and horrible happened.  
“Uh oh. We seem to be careening right into a time paradox,” Miss Frizzle announced to the class. The time travel module began glitching. “I'm sorry Arnold for not believing you.” Those were her last words before the bus and everyone in it was engulfed into an explodey fireball of fiery permanent death. But don't worry, they'll be back next week somehow, as if nothing happened.


End file.
